The General and Colonel Hogan
by LittleRedhead
Summary: A new high ranking American officer arrives at Stalag 13. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The General and Colonel Hogan

Author: LittleRedhead

Rating: G

Spoilers: None

Summary: A high ranking prisoner arrives at Stalag 13 and becomes the new Senior POW Officer.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hogan's Heroes or its characters. I am making no money from this effort.

**Chapter 1**

The door to Luftwaffe Colonel Wilhelm Klink's office opened slowly, and an overweight German sergeant appeared in the doorway.

"Colonel Klink, the American prisoner is14here," a portly sergeant announced.

"Thank you Shultz, show him in," the bald German luftstalag kommandant ordered.

"This way General," Shultz directed the prisoner, following him into the office.

A sandy blond American General in his early 40's walked through the doorway, stopping in front of Klink's desk and crisply saluting. Shultz closed the door behind the General and waited.

The German colonel returned the salute from behind his desk. "Welcome General Miller. I am Colonel Klink, kommandant of Stalag 13. I must say it is an honor to have such a high-ranking Allied officer as a prisoner here at Stalag 13," Klink greeted. He was obviously feeling very pleased with himself and made the most of the opportunity to gloat.

The colonel motioned for General Miller sat down in a chair in front of Klink's desk. Klink then picked up a box of cigars that were on his desk and presented the box to Miller. "Won't you have a cigar General? Not to brag, but they are an excellent brand. I smoke them myself."

"You didn't bring me here to your office just to offer me a cigar Colonel. What do you want?" Miller asked testily as he took reached into the wooden box and pulled out a cigar.

To Miller's surprise, Klink seemed taken aback by the American's firm tone. The colonel lit his cigar and then Miller's, giving the German time to regain his composure before he continued talking.

"Why shouldn't invite you here for a cigar and a talk?" Klink asked with surprise. "You are the new senior POW officer and I am kommandant here at Stalag 13, so it is only proper that we should get to know each other."

Miller grabbed another cigar and stuffed it in the pocket of the leather bomber jacket he was wearing. "I know you as well I want to Colonel. If you don't mind, it's been a long day and I'm rather tired,"

Klink took a few puffs on his cigar before responding, "Yes, of course. I'll let you go to your barracks. However, before you leave it is also my duty to warn you that any attempt to escape from Stalag 13 would be unwise."

"Colonel, it is every prisoner's duty to try to escape from an enemy prison camp," Miller firmly pointed out in his best general tone of voice.

"I understand that General; however, there have been no successful escapes from here," Klink informed, unable to resist the chance to brag.

Miller wasn't sure if Klink was telling the truth or just making it up to throw him off guard. He American decided just to play along. "No escapes? That's an incredible record."

Just then the door opened and a young American colonel walked in without knocking first. The American colonel saluted Klink and Miller before walking past the general and on to Klink's desk.

Miller was surprised that his fellow American showed no surprise, or any other emotion at having just seen a famous Allied general in a POW camp.

Klink's face registered his irritation at the American colonel's interruption. "Hogan, I did not send for you, although was wondering when you were going barge in here. What took you so long?"

"I was delayed at a party in Berlin," Hogan quipped as he grabbed one of Klink's cigars. "The Fuhrer Hitler likes to drone on and on. Once he gets started on one of his stories you can't get him to stop." Then, turning to Miller, "I heard we had a new arrival to Stalag 13 and I just wanted to welcome you. I'm Colonel Hogan, senior POW officer General.

"Thank you Colonel," Miller replied, studying the young, dark-haired American.

Klink shot Hogan an mischevious look saying, "Correction Hogan. General Miller here is now the senior POW officer."

Hogan gave a downcast look in Klink's direction. "I stand corrected Colonel. Thought you liked me and here you bring in a General and make me give up being senior POW officer. It just goes to show that you can't trust your enemies."

General Miller watched the exchange, not sure what to make of the American colonel's irreverent attitude.

Hogan turned his attention to Miller. "I trust Colonel Klink gave you the red carpet treatment General."

Miller pulled his cigar out of his pocket answering, "Well, he did give me a cigar."

Hogan smiled at the small gift which was typical of Klink, who was a notorious tightwad. "For Klink that is giving the red carpet treatment to an Allied prisoner," Hogan stated to the dismay of the kommandant.

Miller let a slight smile creep across his face in spite of himself. He had to admit that Hogan had a wry sense of humor, although he was playing a dangerous game by being disrepectful with the kommandant.

Klink just smirked and continued to puff on his cigar. "Joke all you want Hogan, but I shall have the last laugh as usual. You are no long senior POW and I no longer have to listen to your constant complaints about conditions here at Stalag 13."

Hogan looked stunned as he took the cigar from his mouth. "Boy Colonel, you sure know how to hurt a guy. That was a low blow."

"You can show the General, or shall I say the senior POW officer, to his new quarters Hogan," Klink remarked, unable to resist that last little dig.

"Okay Colonel, I can take hint, but I want you to know that the surprise party the men and I were going to throw is off," Hogan replied in a petulant tone.

"A surprise party for me? But it isn't even my birthday," Klink stated, his curiosity piqued. It wasn't like Hogan to be so kind, although there were times when the American acted almost friendly.

Hogan tapped his cigar's ashes into an ashtray on Klink's desk. "I know it's not your birthday, but it is General Burkhalter's birthday in three days."

Klink stood up and rushed around his desk and over to Hogan. "You're right; it is General Burkhalter's birthday. I must admit that I had forgotten all about it. I had better get him a gift for the party. Perhaps I was a bit out of line with my earlier remarks concerning your new demotion from senior POW officer."

"It takes a mighty big man to admit he made a mistake Colonel," Hogan conceded.

Miller almost didn't believe what he was witnessing. Hogan had effortlessly gotten Klink to back down; no easy feat. While more humane than their SS counterparts, Luftstalag kommandants were definitely not noted for giving in to Allied prisoners.

Hogan smiled and stood up in front of Klink. "Well then I guess I don't need to tell the prisoners that the party is off after all."

Miler decided that it was finally time for him to speak up. After all, he outranked both Klink and Hogan. "It wouldn't matter what you told them anyway Hogan. I'm the senior POW officer now."

"You're right General, I'm sorry," Hogan apologized. Then, turning to Klink, "I guess that means the party is off again Colonel."

Klink looked at Miller, his eyes almost pleading with the American general. "General Miller, I don't see any reason to cancel the surprise party. I'm sure the prisoners have gone to a lot of trouble to plan it."

Hogan moved over to Miller with Klink right behind. "Oh they did. It's taken weeks to put it together."

"I'm sure it would disappoint the prisoners if all of their hard work was in vain," Klink argued.

"They would be devastated General, believe me," Hogan agreed.

Miller let out a sigh of exasperation. He knew he was beat when a fellow American officer was siding with their German captor. "Alright, the men can throw the surprise party. I don't know why you'd want to have a party for a German general. I hope you don't' plan on making a habit of this." This stalag was sure going to take some getting use to, Miller thought to himself.

"Oh we figure it's a fair exchange. General Burkhalter gets a party and when we POWs need something down along the road, like a pool table, it makes it easier to get our request. Besides General, it gives us prisoners something to keep us busy."

"I have work to do gentlemen so you are both dismissed," Klink announced, looking pleased with himself for having salvaged the surprise party.

The three officers exchanged salutes and Hogan and Miller left Klink's office.

Hogan and Miller were surrounded by fellow Allied prisoners the moment they entered the barracks where Hogan stayed. The prisoners, all enlisted men and non commissioned officers, saluted Miller when they noticed his rank.

"At ease men," Miller said after he returned their salutes.

"Men, meet General Frank Miller. General, this is Corporal LeBeau," Hogan stated, motioning to the short dark-haired Frenchman standing right in front of them.

Hogan continued the introductions, pointing to three men seated at a table in the middle of the room. One of the sergeants was a black man while Corporal Newkirk was wearing an British uniform. "Over there are Sergeants Carter and Kinchloe and Corporal Newkirk."

Miller studied the three prisoners carefully. He considered himself a good judge of character, usually able to pin down a man's personality within the first few minutes of meeting him. He cultivated that talent, feeling that it would help detect personality problems before those problems got someone hurt or killed in this war.

The sandy blond haired Carter put down a wrench that was in his hand and looked up at the new arrival. Pieces of some machinery were spread out on the table. Miller couldn't figure out what kind of machine those parts came from, and wasn't about to risk appearing ignorant by asking.

Newkirk and Kinchloe were holding poker cards, indicating that Hogan and Miller's arrival had interrupted a poker game.

"Welcome to Stalag 13 General," Newkirk greeted in a Cockney accent. He then proceeded to fold up his hand and lay it face down on the table.

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more comfortable, just let us know boy... uh, I mean General," Carter stammered, suddenly remembering to whom he was talking.

Carter hurriedly cleared his14things off of the table and got up to give Miller his seat.

Miller pulled off his leather bomber jacket and set it down beside him on the bench as he sat down The heavy fleece-lined jacket was a godsend inside a bomber at 20,000 feet; however, the weather here on the ground was unseasonably warm, making the him sweat inside the jacket. Miller was grateful, though, that he hadn't had to bail out onto some snow-covered countryside.

"Now that we've all been introduced, there's something I've been meaning to ask you Hogan," Miller remarked in a tone that could only mean trouble.

Hogan bristled slightly, not sure he wanted to hear the question. "What's on your mind General?"

"You and the rest of the men here are Allied prisoners of war, so why would you all want to throw a surprise party for some Kraut general?"

Hogan's expression turned serious. "It's quite simple General. General Burkhalter has some papers in his office safe that would be valuable to the war effort. We'll help you get back to London and you can take the papers with you."

"What makes you think I'm not a German spy and that General Burkhalter will come to your little party?" Miller asked, dubious of Hogan's plan.

Hogan's hazel eyes twinkled as he answered, "We've already checked you out before you got here General. And as for General Burkhalter, he has an ego bigger than Klink's. He's sure to come to a party thrown in his honor."

"Especially if there are beautiful women present," LeBeau added, briefly interrupting Hogan.

Miller remained silent, stunned by the brazenness of Hogan's scheme, abruptly amended his previous assessment of the young colonel. Instead of being friendly to the Germans, it seemed as if Hogan was now ready to try any harebrained scheme escape attempt that came to mind. "I see. But how do you expect to help me escape? Klink told me there have been no successful escapes from here. Or was he lying?"

"No, Klink didn't lie," Hogan answered, "There haven't been any successful escapes from Stalag 13- at least none that he knows about. We'll use one of our tunnels,"

Even though the escape plan was imaginative, Miller still wasn't confident it would work.

From his perch on an upper bunk, Carter noticed Miller's concerned expression. "Don't worry General we'll get you out okay. Escapes are our specialty."

"There's just one problem Hogan," Miller stated, "the Germans will be especially alert with me here. They've probably already made plans to double the guards."

Hogan poured a cup of coffee and handed it to the general. "With your permission General, my men and I would like to give it a try,"

Miller rubbed his chin thoughtfully before answering, "Alright. We'll give it try if you really think it will work."

Broad smiles swept across the prisoners' faces at the General's remark. They were eager to show Miller what they could do.

"Men, we've forgotten our manners," Hogan chided as he put his coffee cup down and walked over to one of the bunks. "We've neglected to show the General around the barracks,"

"That really isn't necessary Hogan. I think I've seen everything there is to see," Miller protested. He was tired from the ordeal and wasn't in the mood for a tour or a joke.

"With all due respect General, you haven't seen everything in Stalag 13 yet, and there something you have to see," Hogan replied as he walked over to one of the top beds and hit the sideboard of the top bunk.

To Miller's amazement, the bottom bunk raised up to meet the top bunk. Curious, the general got up and walked over to the bunk to have a look. What he saw was beyond his comprehension; a large hole went all the way through the barracks floor under the bunk.

"I don't believe it!" Miller exclaimed in sheer disbelief. "How far does it lead?"

"All the way to the woods beyond the fence General," Carter answered with pride as he walked up beside Hogan.

"Excellent! Miller exclaimed. "I'm impressed Colonel. The whole stalag should be able to escape through this tunnel."

"Not the whole stalag sir, just you," Hogan corrected.

"What do you mean?" Miller asked, continuing to be perplexed by Hogan's actions since they met.

"I know it sounds crazy General," Hogan admitted, "but if you'll allow me to explain I think you'll see why we can't go."

"What is there to explain Hogan? The Germans would be wasting untold manpower and time looking for a whole stalag worth of escaped prisoners. That's manpower and time they would be diverting from their war effort," Miller countered in his best general's voice.

"Sir we can't escape because we have been using this stalag as headquarters for returning Allied prisoners of war back to England," Hogan carefully explained, "London knows all about our operation and wants us to keep it going until they give us the word to close up shop."

Miller briefly let his head drop, looking rather embarrassed. "I see. Well, I'm not too proud to admit when I'm wrong. What is your plan for my escape?"

"I haven't quite worked out the details yet, but it involves making Klink believe something that isn't true," Hogan answered as he sat down next to General Miller.

"Well, that shouldn't be too hard. After all, the old boy already believes he's a military genius," Newkirk joked.

That caused all of the men, except Miller, to break out in laughter which lasted at least a minute. Noticing Miller's puzzled expression, Hogan motioned for the men to settle down.

"There's something you should know about Colonel Klink, sir. He's a totally incompetent military officer – which is why we keep him around," Hogan informed, bringing another series of chuckles from the POWs.

Miller's eyes opened wide. "You keep him around?"

Newkirk put an arm around Hogan's shoulder. "What the Colonel is tryin' ta say Gen'ral is that Klink thinks 'es the one runnin' this ruddy stalag when Colonel 'ogan 'ere is the one who's really runnin' things."

Miller shook his head in disbelief. "Are you saying you men have free reign around here and can come and go as you please?"

"That pretty much sums up the situation General, Hogan confirmed. "I believe a tour of our little operation is in order. If you'll follow me sir, I'll show you around downstairs. I'm sorry there's no booze down there at the moment, but there is a war on,"

Hogan started down14the stairs, closely followed by Miller and then Newkirk, Carter and Kinchloe.

When Miller stepped down off the ladder he took a good look around the tunnel, almost unable to believe what he was seeing. On a table in front of him were various makes and models of guns and rifles as well as ammunition. On his right stood a printing press busily printing what looked like counterfeit German currency.

From what Hogan and the other prisoners had told Miller, the general knew he should've expected the POWs to have a setup like this "This is incredible!"

"Well General, we can't let the Germans have all the toys," Kinchloe joked as he handed Miller a counterfeit German Deutsch Mark.

Miller held the bill up to the light, carefully examining it "This looks like the real thing. You certainly have your share of toys. I still can't believe that Colonel Klink and his men haven't found all of this, they would have a field day if they did."

"General, with Klink and Schultz running things here it isn't too difficult to keep this operation under wraps," Hogan quipped as he walked Miller to a clothes rack full of German uniforms. "Shultz alert!" warned LeBeau who was standing guard upstairs.

"What does 'e want now?" Newkirk grumbled.

"We better find out," Hogan suggested as he made his way back to the stairs.

Upstairs LeBeau was attempting to keep Schultz from entering the barracks by placing himself in front of the big burly sergeant.

"Out of my way little cockroach!" Schultz bellowed.

LeBeau lifted off the towel that covered a plate in his hand and waived the plate under Schultz's nose. "Aw come on Schultzie, don't you want to try some of my apple14strudel?"

Schultz pushed the Frenchman aside saying, "No I do not have time. I have a message for General Miller and Colonel Hogan."

LeBeau jumped back in front of Schultz, again halting the German's progress.

"You can make time to eat," the Frenchman countered. "It's apple strudel, your favorite."

The big German paused a moment to reconsider before shaking his head. "No. I will get in trouble if I do not get to speak with the General and the Colonel right away."

LeBeau remained in Schultz's way. "But I made this especially for14you. I slaved over a hot stove for hours, and this is how you repay me?"

Schultz was forced to step aside to go around him. As soon as Schultz moved to the right LeBeau moved to his left, once again placing himself squarely in front of the sergeant.

Schultz finally put a hand on each of LeBeau's shoulders, easily lifting the small corporal up off the floor. The Frenchman remained suspended in midair before Schultz placed him out of the way on the right.

This stalled Schultz long enough for Miller, Hogan and the rest to get upstairs before the German could see where they had come from. As he watched the little battle Miller had to force back a smile at the sight of LeBeau, who was just over 5 feet tall and 130 pounds soaking wet, standing his ground against Schultz who stood 6 feet tall and weighed at least 300 pounds.

"What is it now Schultz?" Hogan asked with irritation as he made his way past LeBeau to the sergeant.

Schultz took his eyes off of the food and looked at Hogan's "Kommandant Klink wants to see you and General Miller in his office right away."

"It looks like Klink just remembered the rest of his 'welcome to stalag 13' speech," Hogan quipped.

"I guess we better not keep the man waiting," Miller stated as he headed for the door.

"With your permission General, I'll handle Klink," Hogan offered as they entered the outer room to Klink's office.

"You're the one who's had the experience dealing with Klink," Miller replied. He guessed that Hogan had come up with a plan and was going to use this opportunity to con Klink. Miller just hoped it would work

As he walked past Klink's very pretty and well-endowed secretary, Helga, Miller couldn't help but stop and stare for a moment. How did a rube like Klink wind up with a dish like that for secretary?"

"You wanted to talk with us Colonel?" Hogan asked as the two Americans entered Klink's office.

Klink had his back turned to the two prisoners and was looking out14of his office window that faced the compound.

"Yes I did," Klink confirmed, turning around to face the Americans.

"Good, because there was something I wanted to bring to your attention. My14men have requested a new pool table for the rec room," Hogan informed as he sat down and propped his feet up on Klink's desk.

Klink glared at Hogan and pushed the American's feet off the desk. Hogan didn't react, except to sit with his feet on the floor.

Miller stood quietly and let Hogan play out the game of cat and mouse.

"What's wrong with the one you have?" Klink asked with suspicion.

"Don't you remember Colonel? It was destroyed when the ammunition building blew up last week." Hogan reminded. "It's amazing how little accidents like that can happen."

"Request denied Hogan," Klink stated firmly as he sat down in his chair.

"Aw how come Colonel? How could you be so cruel?" Hogan asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"Because you are no longer senior POW officer, that's why" Klink smugly pointed out. "Your request must go through General Miller now.

"Then, as senior POW officer, I would like to request a new pool table Colonel" Miller spoke up.

"Request still denied General," Klink replied. "I only approved the pool table in the first place because Colonel Hogan blackmailed me into letting the prisoners have one,"

"Blackmail? I'm hurt by the implication Colonel. I merely suggested that my men and I would not say anything to General Burkhalter about you having lost a captured Allied plane.

Yes, and now I don't have to replace the pool table," Klink countered as a thin smile crept across his face.

Hogan walked around the desk and put a hand on Klink's shoulder. "You'll have to forgive Colonel Klink, General Miller. He's not usually this touchy, but the way the German brass has been treating him lately it's not surprising."

"What do mean the way German brass is treating me?" Klink asked, with a confused expression. "What do you mean by the remark? They haven't14 been treating me any differently than usual"

"Exactly Colonel. All of that unfair treatment builds up until even a man like yourself can't tolerate it any longer," Hogan argued, his voice oozing with false sincerity.

Klink shook Hogan's hand off of his shoulder. "I did not bring you two here to talk about myself Hogan."

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it. It wouldn't be proper for a German kommandant to complain about his14superiors in front of two prisoners. Besides, he's such a stoic soul he wouldn't want anyone to know he was suffering inside."

"I see," Miller said, not quite sure what Hogan was up to.

"Alright Hogan, that is quite enough! I am perfectly fine; however think you know something you're not telling me. What have you heard concerning me?" Klink asked.

"Who me? How would I hear anything?" Hogan asked innocently.

"Because you have an amazing habit of knowing what my superiors are up to before I do," Klink answered. "I don't know how you do it, but I'll find out one of these days."

"You give me too much credit Colonel. If I did hear anything about the war it would be strictly rumor, nothing you could really believe. Forget I ever mentioned anything about your problem."

"You already brought it up Hogan," Klink replied with frustration.

There was a moment of silence as Klink waited for Hogan to tell of any rumors he had heard. Hogan often informed him of any rumors concerning the war and what moves the Germans were planning. The American was usually more reliable than the information given out by the German propaganda machine. Hogan, however, knew just how to handle Klink and simply ignored the German and turned his attention to General Miller.

"What was it you wanted to see us about Colonel?" Miller asked, trying to frustrate Klink even more by changing the subject.

"I just wanted you both to know that General Burkhalter will be interrogating you when he comes for the party General Miller," Klink replied in an off-handed manner.

"That's not too surprising. Is that all you wanted to tell us?" Miller asked.

"I also wanted to tell Hogan that I do not appreciate the prisoners hiding one of my dress jackets in the dog kennel. I had just had it cleaned and pressed and those beasts tore it to shreds," Klink whined, referring to the German Shepherds kept at the stalag to patrol the grounds.

"I can't believe you would think that one of my men would do such a thing Colonel. You know we all think of you like a father."

"One thing is for sure, you all certainly act like children," Klink huffed as he began cleaning his monocle. If that's all Colonel; General Miller and I would like to leave. LeBeau is giving dancing lessons in the recreation room. It's not terribly entertaining, but we don't have a pool table anymore," Hogan suggested, making it a point of looking at Klink to rub it in.

This was frustrating Klink, which is exactly what Miller realized Hogan wanted. The General knew there weren't many pleasures to being a prisoner of war, but making the camp kommandant stew like this was one of those pleasures.

"General Miller you are dismissed, but as for you Hogan you're not leaving until you answer my question," Klink replied, putting his monocle back over his left eye.

Miller hesitated leaving until Hogan nodded approval. The general saluted Klink before being escorted out of the office by Schultz. The general made it a point to take another long look at Helga before finally leaving for the prisoner barracks.

"What question was that Colonel?" Hogan asked innocently He now had Klink where he wanted and was going to play it for all it was worth. He would have Klink begging Hogan for information that, unknown to the German, was designed to make Klink help Miller escape.

"My question about what rumors you've heard about me," Klink pressed, "Come on, out with it Hogan."

"You're too clever for me Colonel," Hogan flattered, "I don't know how you did it, but you knew I had information. I can't put anything over on you."

Klink closed his office door and stood between it and Hogan, looking very smug and self-satisfied. "It was really very easy Hogan. You are no match for a keen German mind like mine."

Hogan snapped his fingers replying, "Of course, I should have remembered that before I started talking. I had hoped you didn't catch my little slip of the lip."

"Well I did. Now you might as well tell me what news you've heard since you know I'll find out anyway. I always do," Klink reasoned.

"You're right as usual Colonel. There's no use my trying to hide it," Hogan said as he sat back down in the chair he had been sitting in.

"Well Hogan, I'm waiting," pressed impatiently.

"Well it's only rumor mind you, but I've heard that the German High Command is sending in Gestapo agents posing as Allied prisoners to all of the luftstalags," Hogan lied.

A look of anger and shock crossed the German's face. "I was never informed of this. Why am I always the last to know? I'm going to call Major Hochstetter right now and find out why he never told me," Klink fumed as he picked up the phone receiver on his desk. "Freulein Helga, get me Major Hochstetter." Klink then turned to the American. "I am a Luftwaffe colonel and they can't treat me this14way."

"Of course Colonel, I don't blame you," Hogan soothed "I wouldn't take it either. So what if Hochstetter sends another man to spy on you. You have nothing to hide,"

"That's right; I have nothing to hide" Klink readily agreed as he waited for his call to be put through. "Wait a14minute, Major Hochstetter will just send someone else to take this spy's place,"

"You never told me about the Gestapo spy Hogan," Klink announced thoughtfully.

"I didn't?" Hogan asked with a confused looked on his face. Then the confusion lifted and the American began to smile. "Oh yes sir Colonel. This conversation never happened."

"Good Hogan. I'll just pretend I know nothing of Hochstetler's little plan and play along. Then the spy will have nothing to report about me but good news. That way there won't be any more spies," Klink explained with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"That's an excellent idea Colonel. You'll probably get a promotion out of this," Hogan encouraged as he put an arm around the German's shoulder again.

Klink's thin lips curled up into a broad smile. "Do you really think so?" Cancel my call to Major Hochstetter Helga," Klink ordered before putting the receiver down.

Hogan got up to pour himself a drink. Klink always made it a point to have a steady supply of fine liquor and wine for the high-ranking German officers who often visited.

It bothered Klink that Hogan always helped himself the kommandant's cigars and liquor.

"Of course, the German High Command can't help but notice that you are long overdo for a promotion Colonel," Hogan readily agreed, attempting prod the kommandant14into a course of action beneficial to the American.

"It would be about time that the German High Command14finally recognized my value to the German war effort," Klink groused. Making it known he felt unappreciated by his superiors. Now he saw a chance to gain that appreciation

"Can I leave now Colonel?" Hogan asked as he set his empty wine glass down on Klink's desk.

"Yes, you're dismissed," Klink replied, waiving off the American before turning around to look out the window. Hogan didn't bother to salute and merely turned around and walked out of the office.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for the kind reviews.

Midget I'm not sure what you mean by what are all the 14's. If you care to send an email which is in my profilewe can talk about it further.

Now on to the rest of the story.

**Chapter 2**

"What was that rumor stuff all about Hogan?" Millerimmediately inquiredwhen Hogan returned to the prison barracks.

Hogan lifted his USAAF cap off his head and tossed it onto the table in the middle ofthe barracks."I was laying the groundwork for getting you out General. Kinch, get on the phone and call Klink."

"What shall I tell him?" The sergeant asked as he jumped down from his bunk.

"Tell him you're calling from Major Hochstetler's office to tell Klink that he passed the inspection with flying colors and the Gestapo spy they sent in will be leaving," Hogan ordered as he sampled the soup LeBeau was cooking.

"What will that accomplish Colonel?" Miller inquired. He had a hard time following the young colonel's thinking at times.

"Tomorrow you'll tell him that you're the spy and will be leaving in Klink's staff car tomorrow," Hogan informed. "Tell Klink to let you off at the crossroad 15 miles up the road. You can tell him you'll be met by someone from the Gestapo who will take you the rest of the way to Berlin."

The blood drained from Miller's face. "The Gestapo?"

"You won't be met by the Gestapo but by the underground." Hogan reassured.

Miller let out an audible sigh of relief, although he still didn't like the odds. There was too much chance that something could go wrong.

Carter noticed the General's concerned look and immediately spoke up. "Don't worry General, we'll get you out."

I hope you're right sergeant. This is a dangerous game we're playing," Miller stated as he pulled one of Klink's cigars from his jacket pocket. He took a lighter from the same pocket and lit up the cigar.

"But General, you're forgetting that we're playing the game against Klink and Schultz," Kinch reminded as he walked over to the bunk that hid the tunnel. He pressed he sideboard and waited for the lower bunk to rise up. A minute later the sergeant disappeared down the tunnel entrance.

"General, we're sorry you'll 'ave to miss the fun party Klink is throwin'," Newkirk apologized between sips of coffee.

"That's okay Nekwirk, I'm not much for parties anyway," Miller admitted. "You all have a good time without me."

"We can save you a piece of the cake General," Carter offered. "We can even try to blow up a factory or something for you as a going away present."

That brought a smile to Miller's face. The thought of a German war factory being disabled without him having to send up a wing of bombers to do it was a comforting idea. Knowing Hogan and his men it just might happen. The colonel certainly proved brazen enough to try a harebrained stunt like that, and was just clever enough to succeed. Knowing Hogan, the brash American colonel would even find a way to get Germans to blow up their own factory themselves.

"I think I better turn in for the night. I've had a long day," Miller announced after stifling a yawn.

"I'm sorry General, I should have realized you'd be tired," Hogan apologized. He "I'll clear my things out of the senior officer's quarters right away."

Miller raised his arms over his head and stretched. "Thank you Colonel, I didn't realize how tired I was."

Hogan made his way to the senior officer's quarters, leaving Miller with the other POWs. Carter was busy piecing together parts from a radio receiver strewn out on top of the table in the room. Even though the sergeant had made some progress, Miller could tell the man was having some difficulty. The General's thoughts were interrupted by LeBeau, who7entered the barracks carrying a tray covered with a large napkin.

"Dinner is ready," the Frenchman announced cheerfully.

Newkirk and Kinchloe crowded around LeBeau, trying to see what food was on the tray. The Frenchman squeezed between the two larger men as Newkirk sniffed at the food. "Louie that smells like spinach soufflé. It smells delightful," Newkirk enthused as he followed LeBeau to the table. "I can't wait to taste it,"

"Stay away Newkirk," LeBeau ordered as he shoved past the corporal. "I baked this spinach soufflé especially for General Miler." LeBeau removed the napkin from on top of the tray with a flourish as he approached the American general.

Miller looked the soufflé over, noticing that there was also a bowl of what smelled like onion soup on the same tray as well. "I'm honored, but it really wasn't necessary."

Hogan poked his head out through the doorway to replying, "General we are pleased to say that at Stalag 13 everyone gets the royal treatment."

"Even Colonel Klink and his men?" Miller asked facetiously as he sat down at the table.

"For them we're just royal pains, 7General" Newkirk quipped from his position next to LeBeau.

Miller stifled a laugh. He was growing to like these spirited prisoners. They hadn't let their situation cause them to lose hope.

How did you manage to get the ingredients for all of this?" Miller questioned as he picked up a spoon and sampled the soup.

LeBeau spooned out some of the soufflé onto a dish. "I saved the apple strudel and bribed Schultz with it."

Hogan came back into the room shortly afterwards with his arms were full of his personal effects removed from his quarters. "The room is all ready for you anytime you're ready General.

"Thank you Hogan, I think I'll have a bite to eat first, since LeBeau went to all of the trouble to cook this meal especially for me.

"I'm afraid you won't be able to sleep through the night," Hogan informed. "Schultz will be coming in to raust us promptly at 0100. Klink's trying to make a good impression on the Gestapo spy by trying to run this war on a schedule."

"A Gestapo spy?" The prisoners exclaimed in unison. Miller managed to7recover from the shock first asking," Do you have any idea who the spy is Hogan?"

A broad smile crossed the colonel's face and his eyes twinkled. "You are General."

Carter immediately jumped to Miller's defense. "Now Colonel, I don't think the general is a Gestapo spy. He doesn't look anything like one. You can always tell a Gestapo spy because they..."

Carter was interrupted by Newkirk's hand being placed firmly over the sergeant's mouth.

"Why don't you let the colonel finish Andrew," Newkirk suggested.

"General Miller is not a Gestapo spy," Hogan explained. "I just told Klink that the Gestapo had planted a spy here in Stalag 13. I hope you don't mind General, but you are going to pretend to be that spy. It's part of the escape plan I've cooked up."

"I was right, he isn't a German spy," Carter stated with satisfaction at being vindicated.

"Congratulations Andrew, you were right for once," Newkirk quipped.

Hogan raised his right hand to stop the minor squabble. "Alright, we do have a General here, so remember your military protocol.

"Sorry General, we didn't mean ta forget our manners," Newkirk apologized, looking a bit sheepish.

"What Newkirk said goes for me too General," Carter added.

Miller waved off the apologies. "Forget it men. It's over now."

"You're an okay guy General," Carter7complimented.

"Alright, the general is tired. Let's let him finish eating so he can get some sleep shall we," Hogan instructed.

Miller quickly finished his meal and headed for his quarters saying, "Good night men."

"Good night sir. Don't let the bed bugs bite," Carter cheekily advised.

This brought a chorus of groans from the rest of the prisoners

Miller just pretended he didn't hear Carter's remark and closed the door to Hogan's former quarters behind him.

The next day Miller went into Klink's office as planned to tell the colonel that he was a Gestapo agent.

"I don't believe it!" Klink exclaimed as he stood up behind his desk, letting his ever-present monocle fall from his left eye. "You're the Gestapo agent?"

"I already told you I am colonel. Do you doubt my word the word of a Gestapo agent?" Miller asked, pretending to be insulted He hoped he could remember all the coaching the prisoners had given him in preparing for this encounter.

"No, of course I don't doubt you," Klink assured, trying to save the situation and not get himself arrested by the Gestapo. "I must complement you Miller, or whatever you name is. I would never have guessed you were a Gestapo agent. Naturally, that was the plan. My superiors wanted one of their people to pose as a high-ranking Allied officer, with the idea that nobody would suspect that agent of being Gestapo. I happened to look enough like this General Miller that my superiors tapped me for this assignment. I just underwent a few minor physical alterations to make me even more closely resemble the general," Miller elaborated. "I have completed my investigation of Stalag 13 and will need a ride back to Berlin to file my report."

I'll have Sergeant Schultz bring a car around for you right away," Klink hastily promised, before walking over to the door and opening it. "Schultz come into my office."

"Ja Wohl Colonel!" The big German sergeant exclaimed as he entered the office and saluted.

"Schultz, get my staff car and bring it around in front of my office," Klink ordered after returning the salute.

"Ja Wohl right away Colonel," Schultz exclaimed as he saluted and turned on his heel and left the room.

Klink grabbed his overcoat from the coat rack near the door and walked over to Miller. "I hope you have had a good stay here at Stalag 13."

Miller stood up and stared coldly at the German. "I spent the night in a prison barrack with Allied soldiers Colonel, which is not the same as staying at the finest hotel in Berlin."

"You're quite right," Klink immediately agreed, backing off. "How will I explain your disappearance?

"You'll simply tell them that you are taking me to Berlin for questioning," Miller instructed. "It won't surprise the prisoners if I don't return."

"An excellent idea. I was going to suggest the very same thing," Klink commended with a sly grin as he finished putting his overcoat on. The conversation was cut short by the sound of a car engine rumbling through the building.

"That must be Schultz with the car now," Miller stated casually. It's time for me to leave."

As they stepped out of the building Klink let out a low chuckle laugh. "I'm going to enjoy seeing Hogan's face when I tell him I'm taking you to Berlin."

"So will I," Miller simply replied.

Klink let out another chuckle, unaware of the hidden meaning behind Miller's comment.

As soon as Klink started walking towards the staff car with Miller, Hogan rushed up to the German. "Colonel you aren't taking General Miller with you are you?" Hogan asked.

"Yes it looks like you will be senior POW officer again Hogan. General Miller is going with me to Berlin for questioning by the Gestapo," Klink gleefully announced as he approached the car.

"That's a tough break General," Hogan said turning to Miller. "We're all behind you. I know you won't tell the Gestapo anything."

The American General waited as Schultz opened the passenger door for Klink and Miller.

"I suppose that means you're calling off the welcome party for the General, doesn't it Colonel Klink?" Hogan asked with mock naiveté

"Yes, the party is off," Klink answered gruffly. Nearly betraying his impatience to get a suspected Gestapo agent out of his stalag.

"That's too bad. We had a swell party planned. LeBeau was going to bake a cake and Carter had his heart set on decorating the rec hall," Hogan replied with mock disappointment.

"I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to talk with you. I don't want to hear of any escapes while I'm gone," Klink hastily instructed.

"Escape from Stalag 13? Bite your tongue Colonel," Hogan teased. "Don't worry. I'll be busy moving back into my senior POW quarters and also tonight is bingo night."

"Just see to it that moving back into your quarters is as far as you move, if you get my drift," Klink retorted, climbing into the car beside Schultz.

"Oh yes sir there will be no escape attempts," Hogan assured, saluting Klink and Miller.

Schultz closed the door and got into the front seat, starting the motor. Before the car drove off Hogan and Miller exchanged winks while the rest of the prisoners crowded around the car and waved goodbye.

Two days later Hogan was once again called into Klink's office. The young American colonel knew the topic conversation was going to be about General Miller's disappearance and General Burkhalter's missing papers, so he took his time in going over to meet Klink.

"Ah Hogan, I'm glad you finally decided to show up," the German remarked from behind his desk when Hogan entered the office.

The American didn't miss a beat as he sat down in the chair in front of Klink's desk. "Sorry Colonel, but when Schultz came to get me I was right in the middle of a good book, and I just couldn't put it down until I had finished the chapter I was reading."

Klink frowned, expressing his disapproval "That is a poor excuse Hogan. I'll forgive your tardiness this time if only to show you what compassionate and fair kommandant I can be."

Hogan's face took on a puzzled expression as he blinked at the German. "Are you sure you're feeling alright Colonel?"

The German officer waived off the American's concern. "Yes, I am the picture of health."

"Wait a minute! You're hiding something from me. Come on what is it? I know, you just got a promotion. Congratulations sir, it's been a long time coming," Hogan cheerfully stated as he walked around the desk and shook the kommandant's hand.

Klink pulled his hand away from Hogan's saying, "I haven't been promoted to general yet, although you are right that it is long overdue. I called you into my office to tell you that the Gestapo agent sent here to Stalag 13 gave me a clean record."

"He did? Well that's good news Colonel," Hogan enthused. "No wonder you're in such a generous mood."

"Naturally when I called Major Hochstetter to ask about the Gestapo agent, he denied knowing anything about one of his agents being sent here to Stalag 13." Klink informed as he poured himself a glass of wine.

"Naturally he would deny any knowledge of7the agent," Hogan agreed. "The Gestapo never likes to admit to anything."

The bald German nodded his head in agreement as he set the wine bottle back on his desk. "Naturally. So I figure since Major Hockstetter didn't chew me out when I talked to him that I must have gotten a good report."

Burkhalter just a few minutes ago ordering me to have my guards search the area around Stalag 13 for any suspicious people. It seems that some papers were stolen from his safe while he was here at the party last night and replaced the documents with fakes. The General called me as soon as he discovered the switch. I assured him that you and the rest of the prisoners here had no access to the safe and were watched by my guards the whole time. Then Burkhalter admitted that he had made a brief stop to visit a lady friend in town."

Hogan put on a shocked expression for Klink's benefit. "Is that right? Well, I guess you just can't trust anyone nowadays."

THE END


End file.
